The Room - Chocobo Lure
Aug. 2nd, 2010 03:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Fandom: Detective Conan/Magic Kaito/Death Note/Final Fantasy 7
Pairing: Er... Kaito/Shinichi, Kaito/Kaito, Kid/Kaito, Kid/Shinichi, Kid/Kid, Kid/Conan, Shinichi/Shinichi... Something like that?
Rating: T
Warnings: Mild Language
Genre: Humor, Parody
Words: 6627
Summary: Introducing the new kids on the block, kind of literally. Also, Chocobos.
Co-written with
mancha_sama
With a loud crash, a body hit the floor in a cloud of dust and broken debris. For a moment there was silence, except for the plinking of pieces of wood hitting the ground, then the body abruptly lurched to its feet.
"Baaro! You dumb bird! What's the big idea throwing me like…that…damnit, now what did that idiot do?" Life's Dream Shinichi muttered, finally taking in his surroundings. He brushed dust and debris out of his hair as he glanced around.
A faint groan emanated from the vague left of Life's Dream Shinichi's oversized kicking boots. Horsemen Conan shoved a bit of debris off his now dust covered khaki's with an air of utmost annoyance before hauling himself back upright. The small boy leveled an acidic glare through his grime covered glasses at the array of ceiling rubble around him. “It's bad enough that I attract dead bodies, but am I going to start having buildings fall on me everywhere I go too?”
There was another shift in the debris, and Field of Logic Shinichi crawled coughing out from under the rubble to LD Shinichi's right. "If those idiots in the castle think a trap door is going to convince me of magic, they've got another thing coming," he rasped hoarsely, eyes watering as he tried to blink dust out of his eyes.
LD Shinichi glanced down at the boy on his left, then at the coughing teen on his right, and blinked resignedly. "Okay, right, bad trip. Now where the hell did I come in contact with Mako recently?" he muttered, running a hand through his hair.
Horsemen Conan turned slowly to stare up at the taller pair, blinked unfathomably, then gave a resigned sigh. He crossed his small arms over his chest and offered them a glare. “Did Kuroba-kun put you up to this?”
“Somehow,” a voice piped up from behind the boy. It was full of magnanimous undertones as if this crazy world was nothing anymore, and he'd seen it all, god damn it. “Somehow... I would expect more duct tape to be involved if Kaito were behind this.” Seduction Shinichi idly toed a bit of cotton-candy pink insulation foam out of the way with the expression of a man afraid it would bite. If Kaito were involved, he wouldn't be unduly surprised.
"If Kaito is involved, I feel the need to sic certain angry females on him. What is that idiot thinking now?" Cases Shinichi complained, using a nearby wooden pillar to haul himself to his feet. Spotting a fold of familiar white cloth in the rubble, he lunged at it without a second thought, hauling the be-caped teen out from under the rubble as well. "Damnit Kaito you—"
Shadows in Shadows Shinichi didn't give Cases Shinichi a chance to finish the sentence, instead grabbing the teen by the back of the head and crushing their mouths together with considerable enthusiasm. Cases Shinichi froze, going bright red. When he finally released his stunned captive to look around, SiS Shinichi grinned a brilliant Kid grin at the staring doubles.
"Who's next?"
A languid arm reached out from behind SiS Shinichi to slide pale white fingers along the lapels of his suit, and tangle in the vivid red splash of his tie. Carpe Shinichi leaned, warm and living, against the grinning maniac's back, his own rumpled cloths a stark contrast to the otherwise neatness of the general populace. He leaned forward and slanted a lazy, heavy lidded look at SiS Shinichi.
“If you're that desperate, I'm not averse to obliging,” he murmured, voice a bored half monotone that bordered on something a little warmer.
SiS Shinichi let his eyes fall half closed, dropping his voice to the well practiced purr that always worked well on his brother. "Now now, it's not a matter of desperation, as much a matter of a pleasurable game to play," he crooned, but didn't move away from the warm body. He abruptly switched his gaze from seductive to hyper as he reached out to pinch Cases Shinichi's cheek. "Besides, isn't he cute when he's all pink like that?"
"Absolutely, brother-mine!" came a voice from the hole in the ceiling. SiS Kaito poked his head around the edge, grinning and waving at the gathered Shinichis. "Did any of me fall in there with you? We've got a couple of you up here!"
"It was mine's armor, I bet," LD Kaito's voice drifted down. "He wears enough to crush a Midgar Zolom on a good day."
"Did you just call me fat?" LD Shinichi demanded, glaring holes into the ceiling since he couldn't see the source of his ire.
“This,” a poisonously seductive voice purred, “has a great deal of promise.” Carpe Kaito, decked out in his usual Kid-like ensemble sans cape, hat, and monocle, lounged lazily on one of the rafters, his gaze, a reflective cat-like green, peering down through the hole in the ceiling. Perched beside him on a cross beam, crouched like some sort of vicious predator, complete with grin and luminous blue eyes to match, Afterlife Shinichi let out a low laugh.
Carpe Shinichi stepped back from SiS Shinichi to peer upward, hands shoved lazily in the pockets of the wrinkled jeans he was wearing. His shirt was buttoned crookedly, if one took the moment to notice. “Kaito,” he said flatly. “Whatever that deviant mind is considering, don't.”
“You'd enjoy it,” the vampire purred back.
“That may be so, but now probably isn't the best time,” Carpe Shinichi responded.
"So this isn't a bad trip? Because it really, really looks like one," LD Shinichi muttered under his breath, glancing around at his various incarnations. His eyes lingered, almost longingly, on Horseman Conan, before the mako glowing blue cleared once again. "Hey, got room for seven more up there?" he called.
Not really waiting for an answer, he snagged the back of the still red Cases Shinichi, tossing him over one shoulder, scooped up the small form of Horsemen Conan, then grabbed another nearby Shinichi (Sed Shinichi, it turned out) and made a leap for the hole.
"Catch," he deadpanned as he came level with the room above, tossing himself toward various Kaitos. Gravity took hold again, and he dropped back to the floor below, unheeding of the angry, pain-filled cries from above.
The floor creaked alarmingly as he landed again, and he glanced uncertainly at his feet.
Horsemen Kaito dropped down, hanging upside down by his knees from one of the beams and snagged Horsemen Conan out of the air by the back of his belt. “What, ho!” he cooed in surprised. “I've landed a Bratius Tanteikunis. Think I should keep it alive, or have it stuffed and mounted on my wall?”
“Ha ha... You still think you're funny, don't you, Kuroba-kun?”
“Think? I know, I'm funny.”
“I love how your ego never seems to die,” Horsemen Conan bit out sarcastically, the squeaked most amusingly as Horsemen Kaito performed a daring twist and flip to pull them back onto the rafter he was dangling from.
“Damn it!” Sed Shinichi yelped. “What is it with people and tossing me around?!”
“Aw, Princess, it's because you're just so adorable when you're angry. Or drugged. I'll never forget that. It was glorious,” Sed Kaito said dreamily.
“I'm going to kill you,” Sed Shinichi snarled in reply as he roughly brushed off his sleeves off. He turned and shoved his index finger right in Sed Kaito's face. “I'm going to take you out back, shoot you, and dump you into Tokyo bay from a cruise liner bound for some place warm and tropical.”
“Already planning our honeymoon? I knew there was a reason I loved you!”
"I…I think I'm looking at the end of the world," Mayonaka Kaito said from the ground, Cases Shinichi sprawled on top of him. "Are you blushing, Shinichi?"
Mayonaka Shinichi, standing above Kaito's head, stared down at the two. "No," he said flatly. "But he is."
"But...but it's still you. This is weird...." Mayonaka Kaito said, poking Cases Shinichi's face.
"Quit that, idiot!" Cases Shinichi scowled, batting the hand away.
"Oh, there's an expression I recognize!" Mayo Kaito beamed, then yelped as Cases Shinichi attempted to bash his head into the floor. Above them, Mayo Shinichi just sighed.
"Any idea on how to keep my illustrious partner from breaking the rest of the floor on his return trip?" LD Kaito brightly asked the room.
From below there was an annoyed, "I heard that! As soon as we get back, I'm going to kick your ass to Wutai and back!"
FoL Kaito chuckled at his double's discomforted wince, twirling a hand theatrically and making his wand appear. "If it's just a weight problem, I think I can come up with something!" he said brightly.
LD Shinichi appear from the hole again, tossing FoL Shinichi at LD Kaito, before catching the ceiling beam Carpe Kaito and Afterlife Shinichi were perched on. Carpe Shinichi was still held at his side as he glared down.
"Not necessary, pygy," he growled, mako eyes glowing bright. Below him, SiS Shinichi flipped easily out of the hole as well, wire recoiling with a zipping sound. Cases Kaito had pulled the irate Cases Shinichi off of the gasping Mayo Kaito, who was grinning too much for anyone to believe he was in any real discomfort.
Carpe Kaito curled his lips in a tight, closed lipped smile that gave off a rather eerie feel, even as he leaned forward and reached out to help pull Carpe Shinichi onto the beam with him. Carpe Shinichi was given no choice or chance to escape, as the vampire tugged him to sprawl between his legs. “Hello, pet,” Carpe Kaito purred as he ran a possessive finger along the curve of his skull, to rest his gloved fingers on the nape of his neck. Carpe Shinichi merely let his eyes flutter closed, far, far beyond the point of trying to resist the creature.
“If it's such a problem,” Afterlife Shinichi murmured, “then I can make the issue…disappear.”
“Shinichi!” Afterlife Kaito called, stepping forward from where he'd been quietly watching the proceedings with a deal of unease. “I don't really think there's any reason to kill anyone, okay?”
Afterlife Shinichi sent him a luminous look, head tilted with a bird-like quality, then smirked. “I will respect your wishes, but if his idiocy puts you in danger of a fall like that, I will not hesitate to end his miserable existence.”
LD Shinichi glared up at Afterlife Shinichi, luminous blue staring into luminous blue, then snorted self-deprecatingly. "It's hardly my fault we were dumped in a barely standing hovel, but I can be careful," he muttered, swinging himself over and letting go of the beam. He landed against the wall surprisingly lightly, one hand gripping a feature to hold him in place as he stared uncertainly at the floor. "I'll just stay up here in any case."
"Your wire tricks are getting a little old, don't you think?" FoL Shinichi snarled, not at all happy at being tossed around like an old sack. LD Kaito was doing a fair imitation of a statue (all be it a grinning one) as FoL Shinichi tried to twist out of his immobile grip.
"If that's a wire trick," SiS Shinichi said from his brother's side.
"Then I'd like to know what kind of wire he uses!" SiS Kaito finished admiringly. Both were in full Kid gear, making it hard to tell the difference between them. Of course, considering the other occupants of the room, it was doubtful anyone was having a hard time.
FoL Shinichi stilled in LD Kaito's arms, giving the pair a deadpan look. "Why am I suddenly glad that you will never meet a certain pair of red-headed twins?"
There was a faint rattle, like the sounds of hard candies sliding inside of a metal case, which was followed by the clack of a tin case being flicked open. All Parallel Roads Conan absently selected a faintly yellow-white candy from among the many, then popped it into his mouth. His hand paused a moment, hovering, and adjusted the narrow wire framed glasses he wore.
“I, for one, am glad that my so-called minions aren't here. The glee and chaos that would result would leave even the world's greatest detective baffled, I'm sure. Though, of course, it would be mildly worth it to see the look on his face if he were to observe this scene. I'm sure the step closer to the truth about my past would be worth the incredulity.”
“I think your brats would die of overload, though,” APR Kid noted. He was dressed in a casually, with a jacket thrown over his clothes and his face hidden by the brim of a ball cap. “Or think you were up to something, which wouldn't be surprising. You aren't up to something are you?”
“Unless I've started plotting in my sleep, no.”
APR Kid pouted for a moment, then shrugged laconically. “It's still an idea. Maybe we should invest in body doubles?”
APR Conan seemed to consider it a moment, eyes flickering back and forth as if tracking the idea. “It has a high probability of being useful given our current precarious situation. I'll keep it in mind, and advise our colleagues to consider the possibility as well.”
Both SiS Kaito and Shinichi shuddered. "Ugh, that cloying feeling of excessive lawfulness," SiS Kaito whined.
"With a mild hint of willingness to break the law for his goals," SiS Shinichi added.
"Odds?" SiS Kaito asked.
"Low," his brother answered desolately. Both slunk as far from the newcomer as possible.
Mayo Kaito titled his head, looking from APR Conan to his Shinichi and back. "Do you think—" he began.
"Yes, he's probably--" Mayo Shinichi said blandly.
"With the car too?"
"Wouldn't be surprised. Don't you think it's likely?"
"Coffee."
"Definitely."
FoL Kaito tapped the side of his head with his wand idly (ignoring the way his hair changed colors with each tap), then shook his head. "Not even your unique brand of logic can straighten this out, you know?" he asked his partner.
"Shut. Up," FoL Shinichi growled, having given up on trying to pry open LD Kaito's grip. He crossed his arms belligerently, cursing idiot magicians and their immovable body tricks.
A sudden sharp smirk overtook APR Conan's face, and he snapped his candy tin closed with a sharp retort, spun on his heel, and faced APR Kid. “Kid-san,” he sang in a tone that made Kid's almost ever present grin tick an inch wider. “I wonder what this situation would do to you know who?”
APR Kid let out a several low laughs that seemed to trip over each other until they mingled, then settled into a fit of snickers. “I'm sure he'd throw another fit, after all, his little trick wouldn't work in this situation, would it?”
APR Conan turned away again, raising his hands in a slightly theatric shrug that made him seem younger than he was. “It's a shame we can't take them home then. I do enjoy watching him toss a fit.”
“But then you'd sulk, because it'd allow your opponent to win your game, and you wouldn't like that.”
“Yes, well, no one likes to lose a long running game, and this one has been going for ten years with no real victor in sight.”
“I don't think I've ever heard two people say so much, and yet say nothing at all,” Horsemen Conan pointed out blandly. Horsemen Kaito snickered beside him.
"I have a question, which I feel is quite pertinent to this situation," Cases Kaito said, raising a hand like a school boy.
"Big words, don't hurt yourself now," Cases Shinichi ribbed, smirking at him. Cases Kaito flashed him a grin, even as the others' attention came to rest solely on him.
"Regardless of the fact that there are more of us than should probably exist for a safe and sane world," he said, voice carrying around the room. He ignored the eye rollings from the various occupants. "And since we most likely aren't even in a recognizable world anymore (unless one of us lives here? Anyone? No?), why are we here?"
"Does that matter?" LD Shinichi asked after a beat of silence.
"Shocking, a Shinichi who doesn't have the desire to explain everything in his rational world?" FoL Kaito gasped mockingly. LD Shinichi stared down at the vividly, blue haired Kaito from his perch on the wall.
"No. I have an intense dislike for the scientific process," he said monotonously. FoL Shinichi yelped as he was abruptly righted and left to stand on his own feet, LD Kaito wandering off with a blank expression on his face.
"Anyway, it's a valid point," Mayo Kaito said quickly, recognizing vaguely some deep dark emotion behind the exchange. He'd seen that often enough with his own Shinichi to recognize the signs. "Does anyone have a clue as to why we're here, wherever here is?"
“Obviously,” Sed Shinichi pointed out snidely. “This is a dream, and this is what I get for letting Kaito experiment with the cooking again.”
“Hey!” Sed Kaito yelped. “I'm a perfectly good cook, and you've admitted that my experiments pay off sometimes.”
“Yes,” Sed Shinichi agreed plaintively. “Sometimes.”
“Being a Shinigami,” Afterlife Shinichi drawled, “I find nothing surprising about this scenario.”
APR Kid turned, squinted at Afterlife Shinichi, and quipped, “He's the best looking Shinigami I've ever seen.”
“You've only seen one Shinigami,” APR Conan pointed out. “And, though my name is Conan, I must say that I--”
APR Kid's hand clamped over APR Conan's mouth. “Yes, yes, no need to start quoting Shakespeare, Tantei-kun.”
APR Conan plucked his hand away with a faint huff. “What have I told you about a man your age getting all touchy toward someone my age?”
“Something about legalities, and social mores, but I tend to tune you out.”
“I've had this happen in my own home,” Carpe Kaito murmured, his fingers running up and down the back of the rather sleepy looking Shinichi in his lap. “It is likely just some, strange, dimensional anomaly that will straighten itself out given due time. Doubtless, there is nothing to worry about.”
"It would be nice if dimensional anomalies would straighten themselves up for us," LD Kaito quipped, holding his arms up to his Shinichi. LD Shinichi dropped, letting his Kaito catch him and set him gently on the floor, which creaked a bit but held. LD Kaito released his hold on the other's waist, but grasped his hand in a tight grip, taking comfort in the simple touch. LD Shinichi didn't protest, instead he leaned his shoulder against his Kaito.
"Reparo! My bet is on some student's experimental project getting free and wreaking havoc," FoL Kaito said as the broken bits of the floor flew into place, seamlessly repairing themselves.
"My bet is that one of the irresponsible idiots got their hands on those dangerous chemicals the teachers leave laying around, and we're hallucinating," FoL Shinichi countered.
"Does anyone have any tips for taking down a dangerous criminal organization without getting killed?" Mayo Kaito asked brightly. He looked around guilelessly. "What? It's a good opportunity!"
“Use aliases, and don't let them get their hands on a notebook that can kill you!” APR Conan said brightly.
“Aliases are good, as is keeping several steps ahead of them and not letting them catch you,” Horsemen Conan agreed drolly. “Spies, too. Spies are very useful.”
“Double agents,” APR Conan agreed happily.
He and Horsemen Conan met each others eyes, agreement seeming to pass between them, before they both quipped, “Infiltration.”
“Vases,” Sed Shinichi broke in. “A good vase to the face fixes everything.”
“Just kill them,” Afterlife Shinichi said, his face slowly drawing into a wicked grin. “Once they're nothing but puddles of gore on concrete there's no problem, right?”
"No one gets hurt!" SiS Kaito protested from his spot on the other side of the room.
"It may make it harder, but at least you don't turn into them," SiS Shinichi agreed vehemently.
"Not always possible," Mayo Kaito said hollowly.
"I don't know about criminal organizations, but generally kicking things into unrecognizable lumps stops them from trying to kill you," LD Shinichi said blandly.
"I prefer the finesse of magic myself," FoL Kaito said brightly.
"Isn't that best way?" LD Kaito agreed. "But I'm not sure this is helpful to anyone at the moment. What's probably more helpful would be some ideas on…hey, wait, Shinichi, have you seen Kidoll? I swear he was with me…" he trailed off, patting down his clothes carefully. From above there was a familiar squeak, and he craned his neck up to see Kidoll waving happily from Afterlife Shinichi's hand.
“Kicking things into unrecognizable lumps, is definitely a solid plan,” APR Conan said, his gaze landing thoughtfully on LD Shinichi. “You know, you two look like characters from this video game one of my 'minions' likes to fanboy over. Something about a someone named Sephiroth, and 'girly yet badass'.”
“Final Fantasy 7,” the Kid standing half behind him reported. “I expect that's where his attachment to feminine badasses comes from.”
“I'm telling them you said that...”
Afterlife Shinichi stepped lightly off the beam he was perched on and dropped noiselessly to the floor, never once upsetting the tiny doll balancing on the palm of his hand. Curious, Afterlife Kaito stepped forward to peer down at the tiny thing as well. “I kind of want one...” he muttered faintly, and reached out. Kidoll's little arm lifted up and, with a minute poof of smoke, he offered a tiny paper flower. Afterlife Kaito couldn't stop the crooked little grin from sliding into place on his face.
LD Shinichi stared blankly at the pair, before turning to raise an eyebrow at his partner. "They mean that old General from the war?" he asked.
"I have decided this is not a line of inquiry we want to pursue," LD Kaito said definitively. LD Shinichi considered for a moment, then nodded.
"Very good battle plan."
There was a flash of light from the opposite wall, and then a familiar sounding, "Waaark~!" A moment later, a large, yellow, bird-like creature came charging into the room through a glowing portal.
"Baaro?!" LD Shinichi yelped, eyes wide in surprise, then scrambled madly out of the way as the happy bird attempted its normal ritual of grooming his favorite human's hair. Perhaps unwisely, LD Shinichi attempted to dash across the open floor for safety. As soon as his heavy tread hit the weak floor boards, the floor gave way again with an almighty crash and abundance of swearing.
"Original name, Kudo," a new voice snickered. Heads craned to see a Heiji standing near another glowing portal, smirking from under his baseball cap. Baaro, unconcerned at the swearing coming from below and now missing his primary target, pranced over to the next nearest Shinichi and began gnawing at Sed Shinichi's hair.
“C!” a voice bellowed, just seconds before a blond and black blur collided with APR Conan's chest. A pair of hands grabbed his shirt and gave him a rough shake. “Damn it! What have we told you about vanishing on us? I told you I'd kill you myself the next time you pulled a stunt like this and–“
“M,” a quiet voice interrupted as the smaller, white haired boy coiled an arm loosely around one of APR Conan's. “I do believe he wasn't given a choice.”
A snarl spread across 'M's' face, and he turned to glare, wild eyed, at APR Kid. “You kidnapped him, didn't you?” Before the wild boy had a chance to advance on the suddenly wary thief, he was interrupted by a whimper, and the sound of a heavy plastic device colliding with the floor. He glanced back over his shoulder to see the third member of their little entourage staring with wide, dewy eyes at the bird preening Sed Shinichi's hair.
“It's a chocobo...” And, before anything else could be said, the other boy was across the room and clinging to the bird, arms around its neck, and face buried in the yellow feathers. It was a disgusting display of fanboyishness, really.
“Matt!” 'M' barked. “Damn it, you,” he turned and pointed at the boy clinging to APR Conan's arm, idly twirling a lock of hair around one finger. “You make sure he doesn't get away again, and I'm going to go pry the geek off the stupid chicken.” Without another word, he stomped across the precariously groaning, half destroyed floor.
FoL Kaito peered down the hole in the floor, careful not to either fall through or break more of the floor and fall down anyway. "You okay down there?" Unrecognizable words he assumed weren't anything pleasant was his answer. "You want to come up so I can fix the floor again?" he tried.
"…Is that bird brain still up there?" LD Shinichi's voice drifted up petulantly. FoL Kaito glanced over to where the giant bird was strutting after fleeing Shinichis, the red-headed kid still hanging off his neck while the blond cursed up a more recognizable storm while he tried to pry the goggled one off.
"…Yes?"
"Then I'm staying here."
"This…has got to be the most twist'd nightmare I've ever had ta live through," came a childish voice from another part of the room. Twin Kid grins split upon the SiS brothers' faces at the new-comer.
"Tantei-han!" they chorused, bounding over to scoop up the child-sized Heiji. Said child did /not/ look happy at being assaulted so.
"Let me go, ya freaks!" he howled, kicking and biting at any piece of the brothers he could reach. They, as to be expected, easily kept themselves from harm.
By this time, Baaro had reached them, and SiS Shinichi blinked in surprise as his hat was expertly removed by a large golden beak, then his hair used for fodder.
"…How do you think he knows who's who?" SiS Kaito asked, batting at the bird with his free hand.
"Good vibrations?" his brother responded.
"I do not want ta know what that means!" the child Heiji howled.
“I believe it is time for us to take our leave,” Afterlife Shinichi breathed, sending a scalding glare toward the increasing chaos. Kidoll jumped away, gliding on his tiny glider and down into the hole in the floor where LD Shinichi was located. Afterlife Shinichi snagged his own Kaito, pulled him close, and jumped after. They, however, vanished mid-fall in a swirl of shadows and light.
Matt, scrabbled around and yanked himself up onto the chocobo's back with a gleeful sound, absolutely ignoring the way Mello had grabbed hold of his leg and was trying to yank him back off. “This is awesome! Can I keep him? Pleasepleasepleaseplease. Or...” His eyes swiveled to the obvious owner, LD Kaito, and he stared at him with puppy eyes, “Take me wi--” Mello yanked harder, and he was dragged off his perch. The two of them fell to the floor in a tangle of limbs, and a great deal of yowling as elbows were smacked against hardwood.
“Ha ha... This is almost better than the Kira Task Force Serial...” APR Conan muttered to himself.
“Oi, Kudou? Kuroba?” Horsemen Heiji peeked through the madness, as he leaned through a glowing door shaped hole in the wall. “What the hell is goin' on?”
Horsemen Kaito thumped down a few feet away from him, and set their corresponding Conan on the floor. “Don't ask questions,” Horsemen Conan snapped, as he hurried toward Heiji. “Just move it Hattori.” The three vanished seconds later.
"Don't suppose we can split too, can we?" the first Heiji asked, glancing around the room.
"Any idea who you belong to?" FoL Shinichi asked, wondering idly who he was in the first place.
"I don't belong ta anyone!" he snapped, but without much heat. "And I was suppos'd ta meet two of you at the station."
"That'd be us, I think," Cases Kaito said, snagging his Shinichi's hand as he dodged out of the way of the chocobo again. Cases Shinichi ducked the beak, then dragged his Kaito toward their Heiji.
"Then let's get out of here. Now please," he said. Cases Kaito snagged Heiji's arm as they passed, and all three vanished into the portal of light.
"Kaito! What stupid thing did you do now!" a female voice demanded. Mayo Kaito gave a wounded look to the girl standing with her hands on her hips.
"Why does everyone always assume it's my fault?" he whined.
"Because it, inevitably, is," Mayo Shinichi droned flatly. Then he turned his attention to Aoko and nodded faintly, "Nakamori-chan."
"Hello Kudou-kun," she said pleasantly. "And Kudou-san, Kudou-san, Kuroba-san, Kid-san, Kid-san, Chicken-san, Kuroba-san…um…and everyone else too," she said, losing track of who she'd manage to greet already. She turned back to Mayo Kaito. "And if it's not your fault, it should be!" she accused.
"Unfair…" he moaned, before sweeping up to her. "But at least we've got a fair maiden come to rescue us from this greater
purgatory, right Shinichi?" he asked, producing a flower to the now-red-faced Aoko.
"Idiot, just go," Mayo Shinichi grumbled, hand reaching out to clasp the nape of Kaito's neck and shove him toward the portal Aoko had come from.
"Aye sir!" Mayo Kaito saluted, guiding Aoko through the portal. He paused just before stepping through, grinning at his Shinichi. "Coming?" he asked, holding out a hand.
Something infinitesimal softened in Mayo Shinichi's expression, though his voice was its usual monotone. "Of course I'm coming." He stepped after him without a further word, fingertips coming to rest lightly on Kaito's outstretched palm.
Kaito's grin softened as well, and the pair vanished through the portal without another word.
Sed Shinichi backed away as the weird bird thing stomped passed, just barely missing the pile of teenagers still trying to get up off the floor. Or, rather, one of them was trying to get up, and the blond one appeared to be trying to restrain him, but that was beside the point.
“Oh, for the love of god,” a familiar voice muttered somewhere behind him. Sed Shinichi glanced back to see a Hakuba lingering nearby. “I'm experiencing a strange sensation of deja vu. You, there, with the duct tape bracelets. Come on.”
Sed Kaito beamed, looked admiringly at his 'jewelry' and sidled over to join Sed Hakuba, grabbing his Princess as he went. “Let's get ice cream!”
They disappeared amidst Shinichi's vociferous tirade on why Kaito was such an idiot.
"Did I just do that?" another voice queried weakly. "Kuroba, I swear if this is another of your practical jokes…" the newly arrived Hakuba said, covering his eyes in a well-practiced gesture.
"Ooo, I know that look!" FoL Kaito said brightly. He held his hands up in a placating gesture as he found himself at wand-point from the annoyed Hakuba. "Now now, no need to do anything rash!"
"Hakuba-kun, I would appreciate if you would 'get us out of here', in hopes that this is an insane dream or possible chemically induced hallucination. The psyche often produces familiar coping devices such as—" FoL Shinichi began, but was cut off as his Kaito shoved him toward the blond.
"Yes yes, you can grace us with your logical explanation for all thing magical, weird, and me later," he said, turning his shove into a hug as he pushed them through the portal. Hakuba looked at his wand for a moment.
"I really need to practice my obliviate…" he mumbled, before turning on his heel and following the departed pair.
"Aww…I suppose that means we need to go too," SiS Shinichi pouted, wrestling the sullen child Heiji from his brother's grasp to hug him like a teddy bear. "At least I got a kiss out of it!"
"Which is unfair, you know!" his brother protested petulantly. "Who's going to give me a kiss goodbye?"
There was a rush of sound, like fabric, before Carpe Kaito landed lightly before the two brothers. He grinned, then, showing the vivid fangs of his nature, and reached out. He clasped SiS Kaito's tie in his hands before tugging him foward. His lips pressed over SiS Kaito's, a shockingly cold tongue invading his lookalikes mouth without remorse, while one of the vampire's hands skated down to clutch SiS Kaito's hip. Carpe Kaito was not one to do things by halves, and by the time he was done, he'd made sure SiS Kaito was truly breathless. The vampire laved his tongue over a fang, and stepped back.
SiS Kaito then found himself twisted around, and dipped like some sort of lady at a fancy dance, a second kiss, slow and meant to charm, placed upon his lips by APR Kid who, by the time he righted his doppelganger, was grinning.
“Not only do you hit on barely legal teenagers, but you molest yourself,” APR Conan drawled sardonically. “Why am I not surprised?”
“I do not wish to hear this conversation,” Near piped up from where he'd come to kneel beside APR Conan. He was idly turning a tiny plastic submarine between his fingers.
Carpe Kaito gave a wolfish laugh, stepped back, and snaked an arm around Carpe Shinichi. Without another word, or glance, the pair fell backwards into the hole in the middle of the floor and vanished.
SiS Kaito stood frozen, eyes glazed and mouth quirked up in a funny smile. SiS Shinichi wasn't much better, gaping and red-faced as he stared blankly at his brother. The child-sized Heiji managed to wriggle himself out of the lax grip, looking fairly traumatized.
"If I never, ever even hear 'bout another Kid heist in my life, I'll be a happy happy man," he muttered, taking great pleasure in kicking SiS Shinichi's shins.
When that produced no reaction, he sighed and began shoving at the teen, grumbling under his breath about stupid, black clad maniacs and their damn pills too. With a little work, he managed to get both dazed Kids through the portal. He paused, glancing at the base-ball capped APR Kid.
"Next time, keep it in your pants, pervert," he snapped, then hopped through the portal himself without a backward glance.
"/I'm/ not a pervert, at least," LD Kaito protested, feeling the need to defend himself. Kidoll had made his way out of the hole, and now perched himself on his shoulder, shaking his head vigorously. Then paused, thinking about it, and began nodding instead. "Oi oi…" LD Kaito muttered at his friend.
Baaro had by now wandered up to APR Conan, and was regarding the bespectacled teen curiously, seemingly not sure whether he should proceed with his normal greeting or not. Shaking himself, Baaro seemed to decide against it for whatever reason, and trotted over to where he knew /his/ favorite human had gone. He was careful not to step on the small ones still sprawled across the floor, even though he would have liked to have given the brave one the ride of his life. Still, he had more important things to worry about now.
"Hey…Baaro, wait the floor--!" LD Kaito yelped as Baaro's path became apparent. It was too late, though, and the abused floor gave another almighty groan as it broke under the large bird's weight. There was a yelp and a wheezing sound from below, and a happy 'wark' from the fallen bird. Kidoll giggled on his shoulder, hands over his mouth in mirth.
“Iwannachocobo,” Matt whimpered again. Mello sat up, one hand braced between his friend's shoulders, and gave a glare that would have probably made babies burst into tears.
“Come on, let's go back to HQ and we'll download you a rip of Chocobo's Dungeon 2 or something, you nerd.” The blond stood, dragged Matt up, and hauled him back toward the rest of his set. There was an exasperated look on his face that made him look like a nutcase ready to blow the place up. For Mello, those two were about the same anyway.
“I'm sure we should be getting back regardless. We've left your defenseless idol with his favorite suspect, after all,” APR Conan noted glibly. Mello's teeth made an interesting grinding noise.
“It's unlikely that anything has happened to him. He's strong enough to handle himself if there's any trouble,” Near pointed out logically. His attention, however was fixated on the submarine he was moving through the air over his head.
Mello cast him a scalding glare, but was thus ignored, and turned his attention back to Conan. “We should probably go before Matt starts trying to run away with the circus again.”
Conan gave a faint sigh of agreement, and crouched down to scoop up the dropped gaming device that had, all this time, been taking up residence by his shoes. “Where did you three enter from?”
Near turned his submarine about to point in the general direction. “Over there. It's a door of light.”
“We're never telling anyone this happened,” Mello added. “This is one fucked up dream, and when I wake up I am going to eat myself into a chocolate coma.” He hustled his still whining cohort toward the door in question, while Near lifted himself delicately from the floor and followed after. Conan, grinning lazily after the three, followed.
Kid gave a grand sigh, waved to the Life's Dream pair, then shoved his hands in his pockets and followed the crazy brigade. Not, of course, that he was more of sound mind than they. He grinned. That was why he liked them.
LD Kaito let his eyes trail around the empty room as the trio left, Kidoll humming tunelessly and quietly on his shoulder. The little doll was becoming more and more vocal. Probably all that materia energy it kept chowing down on, he mused with a lick of annoyance. It took a long time to get a materia into working order, after all!
He moseyed over to the precarious edge of the cracked floor boards, peering into the gloom. He could just make out a head of black hair from under Baaro's golden form.
"I feel kinda bad for that kid, you know? He seemed really excited to see Baaro," he mused.
"Can...keep..." was the wheezed reply. Kaito chuckled, hopping into the hole himself and being careful not to land on the content bird and its squashed captive. No need to have Shinichi more mad at him than usual, after all. Kidoll had once again glided into the hole on his tiny glider, obviously enjoying himself.
"Up, Baaro," Kaito commanded, ignoring the bird's disappointed warble. As soon as he was free, Shinichi was on his feet and across the room, through the glowing portal there. Baaro chirped happily and gave chase. "Huh, thought that thing was upstairs," Kaito hummed. "Well, ready to go home?" he asked the doll at his feet.
In response, Kidoll scaled Kaito's coat, clambering onto his shoulder to strike a heroic pose, one hand pointing toward the portal.
"And away we go!" Kaito crowed, diving into the light.
CP Masterlist
Chatty Plunnies: 98 - Fruit Salad
Pairing: Er... Kaito/Shinichi, Kaito/Kaito, Kid/Kaito, Kid/Shinichi, Kid/Kid, Kid/Conan, Shinichi/Shinichi... Something like that?
Rating: T
Warnings: Mild Language
Genre: Humor, Parody
Words: 6627
Summary: Introducing the new kids on the block, kind of literally. Also, Chocobos.
Co-written with
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
With a loud crash, a body hit the floor in a cloud of dust and broken debris. For a moment there was silence, except for the plinking of pieces of wood hitting the ground, then the body abruptly lurched to its feet.
"Baaro! You dumb bird! What's the big idea throwing me like…that…damnit, now what did that idiot do?" Life's Dream Shinichi muttered, finally taking in his surroundings. He brushed dust and debris out of his hair as he glanced around.
A faint groan emanated from the vague left of Life's Dream Shinichi's oversized kicking boots. Horsemen Conan shoved a bit of debris off his now dust covered khaki's with an air of utmost annoyance before hauling himself back upright. The small boy leveled an acidic glare through his grime covered glasses at the array of ceiling rubble around him. “It's bad enough that I attract dead bodies, but am I going to start having buildings fall on me everywhere I go too?”
There was another shift in the debris, and Field of Logic Shinichi crawled coughing out from under the rubble to LD Shinichi's right. "If those idiots in the castle think a trap door is going to convince me of magic, they've got another thing coming," he rasped hoarsely, eyes watering as he tried to blink dust out of his eyes.
LD Shinichi glanced down at the boy on his left, then at the coughing teen on his right, and blinked resignedly. "Okay, right, bad trip. Now where the hell did I come in contact with Mako recently?" he muttered, running a hand through his hair.
Horsemen Conan turned slowly to stare up at the taller pair, blinked unfathomably, then gave a resigned sigh. He crossed his small arms over his chest and offered them a glare. “Did Kuroba-kun put you up to this?”
“Somehow,” a voice piped up from behind the boy. It was full of magnanimous undertones as if this crazy world was nothing anymore, and he'd seen it all, god damn it. “Somehow... I would expect more duct tape to be involved if Kaito were behind this.” Seduction Shinichi idly toed a bit of cotton-candy pink insulation foam out of the way with the expression of a man afraid it would bite. If Kaito were involved, he wouldn't be unduly surprised.
"If Kaito is involved, I feel the need to sic certain angry females on him. What is that idiot thinking now?" Cases Shinichi complained, using a nearby wooden pillar to haul himself to his feet. Spotting a fold of familiar white cloth in the rubble, he lunged at it without a second thought, hauling the be-caped teen out from under the rubble as well. "Damnit Kaito you—"
Shadows in Shadows Shinichi didn't give Cases Shinichi a chance to finish the sentence, instead grabbing the teen by the back of the head and crushing their mouths together with considerable enthusiasm. Cases Shinichi froze, going bright red. When he finally released his stunned captive to look around, SiS Shinichi grinned a brilliant Kid grin at the staring doubles.
"Who's next?"
A languid arm reached out from behind SiS Shinichi to slide pale white fingers along the lapels of his suit, and tangle in the vivid red splash of his tie. Carpe Shinichi leaned, warm and living, against the grinning maniac's back, his own rumpled cloths a stark contrast to the otherwise neatness of the general populace. He leaned forward and slanted a lazy, heavy lidded look at SiS Shinichi.
“If you're that desperate, I'm not averse to obliging,” he murmured, voice a bored half monotone that bordered on something a little warmer.
SiS Shinichi let his eyes fall half closed, dropping his voice to the well practiced purr that always worked well on his brother. "Now now, it's not a matter of desperation, as much a matter of a pleasurable game to play," he crooned, but didn't move away from the warm body. He abruptly switched his gaze from seductive to hyper as he reached out to pinch Cases Shinichi's cheek. "Besides, isn't he cute when he's all pink like that?"
"Absolutely, brother-mine!" came a voice from the hole in the ceiling. SiS Kaito poked his head around the edge, grinning and waving at the gathered Shinichis. "Did any of me fall in there with you? We've got a couple of you up here!"
"It was mine's armor, I bet," LD Kaito's voice drifted down. "He wears enough to crush a Midgar Zolom on a good day."
"Did you just call me fat?" LD Shinichi demanded, glaring holes into the ceiling since he couldn't see the source of his ire.
“This,” a poisonously seductive voice purred, “has a great deal of promise.” Carpe Kaito, decked out in his usual Kid-like ensemble sans cape, hat, and monocle, lounged lazily on one of the rafters, his gaze, a reflective cat-like green, peering down through the hole in the ceiling. Perched beside him on a cross beam, crouched like some sort of vicious predator, complete with grin and luminous blue eyes to match, Afterlife Shinichi let out a low laugh.
Carpe Shinichi stepped back from SiS Shinichi to peer upward, hands shoved lazily in the pockets of the wrinkled jeans he was wearing. His shirt was buttoned crookedly, if one took the moment to notice. “Kaito,” he said flatly. “Whatever that deviant mind is considering, don't.”
“You'd enjoy it,” the vampire purred back.
“That may be so, but now probably isn't the best time,” Carpe Shinichi responded.
"So this isn't a bad trip? Because it really, really looks like one," LD Shinichi muttered under his breath, glancing around at his various incarnations. His eyes lingered, almost longingly, on Horseman Conan, before the mako glowing blue cleared once again. "Hey, got room for seven more up there?" he called.
Not really waiting for an answer, he snagged the back of the still red Cases Shinichi, tossing him over one shoulder, scooped up the small form of Horsemen Conan, then grabbed another nearby Shinichi (Sed Shinichi, it turned out) and made a leap for the hole.
"Catch," he deadpanned as he came level with the room above, tossing himself toward various Kaitos. Gravity took hold again, and he dropped back to the floor below, unheeding of the angry, pain-filled cries from above.
The floor creaked alarmingly as he landed again, and he glanced uncertainly at his feet.
Horsemen Kaito dropped down, hanging upside down by his knees from one of the beams and snagged Horsemen Conan out of the air by the back of his belt. “What, ho!” he cooed in surprised. “I've landed a Bratius Tanteikunis. Think I should keep it alive, or have it stuffed and mounted on my wall?”
“Ha ha... You still think you're funny, don't you, Kuroba-kun?”
“Think? I know, I'm funny.”
“I love how your ego never seems to die,” Horsemen Conan bit out sarcastically, the squeaked most amusingly as Horsemen Kaito performed a daring twist and flip to pull them back onto the rafter he was dangling from.
“Damn it!” Sed Shinichi yelped. “What is it with people and tossing me around?!”
“Aw, Princess, it's because you're just so adorable when you're angry. Or drugged. I'll never forget that. It was glorious,” Sed Kaito said dreamily.
“I'm going to kill you,” Sed Shinichi snarled in reply as he roughly brushed off his sleeves off. He turned and shoved his index finger right in Sed Kaito's face. “I'm going to take you out back, shoot you, and dump you into Tokyo bay from a cruise liner bound for some place warm and tropical.”
“Already planning our honeymoon? I knew there was a reason I loved you!”
"I…I think I'm looking at the end of the world," Mayonaka Kaito said from the ground, Cases Shinichi sprawled on top of him. "Are you blushing, Shinichi?"
Mayonaka Shinichi, standing above Kaito's head, stared down at the two. "No," he said flatly. "But he is."
"But...but it's still you. This is weird...." Mayonaka Kaito said, poking Cases Shinichi's face.
"Quit that, idiot!" Cases Shinichi scowled, batting the hand away.
"Oh, there's an expression I recognize!" Mayo Kaito beamed, then yelped as Cases Shinichi attempted to bash his head into the floor. Above them, Mayo Shinichi just sighed.
"Any idea on how to keep my illustrious partner from breaking the rest of the floor on his return trip?" LD Kaito brightly asked the room.
From below there was an annoyed, "I heard that! As soon as we get back, I'm going to kick your ass to Wutai and back!"
FoL Kaito chuckled at his double's discomforted wince, twirling a hand theatrically and making his wand appear. "If it's just a weight problem, I think I can come up with something!" he said brightly.
LD Shinichi appear from the hole again, tossing FoL Shinichi at LD Kaito, before catching the ceiling beam Carpe Kaito and Afterlife Shinichi were perched on. Carpe Shinichi was still held at his side as he glared down.
"Not necessary, pygy," he growled, mako eyes glowing bright. Below him, SiS Shinichi flipped easily out of the hole as well, wire recoiling with a zipping sound. Cases Kaito had pulled the irate Cases Shinichi off of the gasping Mayo Kaito, who was grinning too much for anyone to believe he was in any real discomfort.
Carpe Kaito curled his lips in a tight, closed lipped smile that gave off a rather eerie feel, even as he leaned forward and reached out to help pull Carpe Shinichi onto the beam with him. Carpe Shinichi was given no choice or chance to escape, as the vampire tugged him to sprawl between his legs. “Hello, pet,” Carpe Kaito purred as he ran a possessive finger along the curve of his skull, to rest his gloved fingers on the nape of his neck. Carpe Shinichi merely let his eyes flutter closed, far, far beyond the point of trying to resist the creature.
“If it's such a problem,” Afterlife Shinichi murmured, “then I can make the issue…disappear.”
“Shinichi!” Afterlife Kaito called, stepping forward from where he'd been quietly watching the proceedings with a deal of unease. “I don't really think there's any reason to kill anyone, okay?”
Afterlife Shinichi sent him a luminous look, head tilted with a bird-like quality, then smirked. “I will respect your wishes, but if his idiocy puts you in danger of a fall like that, I will not hesitate to end his miserable existence.”
LD Shinichi glared up at Afterlife Shinichi, luminous blue staring into luminous blue, then snorted self-deprecatingly. "It's hardly my fault we were dumped in a barely standing hovel, but I can be careful," he muttered, swinging himself over and letting go of the beam. He landed against the wall surprisingly lightly, one hand gripping a feature to hold him in place as he stared uncertainly at the floor. "I'll just stay up here in any case."
"Your wire tricks are getting a little old, don't you think?" FoL Shinichi snarled, not at all happy at being tossed around like an old sack. LD Kaito was doing a fair imitation of a statue (all be it a grinning one) as FoL Shinichi tried to twist out of his immobile grip.
"If that's a wire trick," SiS Shinichi said from his brother's side.
"Then I'd like to know what kind of wire he uses!" SiS Kaito finished admiringly. Both were in full Kid gear, making it hard to tell the difference between them. Of course, considering the other occupants of the room, it was doubtful anyone was having a hard time.
FoL Shinichi stilled in LD Kaito's arms, giving the pair a deadpan look. "Why am I suddenly glad that you will never meet a certain pair of red-headed twins?"
There was a faint rattle, like the sounds of hard candies sliding inside of a metal case, which was followed by the clack of a tin case being flicked open. All Parallel Roads Conan absently selected a faintly yellow-white candy from among the many, then popped it into his mouth. His hand paused a moment, hovering, and adjusted the narrow wire framed glasses he wore.
“I, for one, am glad that my so-called minions aren't here. The glee and chaos that would result would leave even the world's greatest detective baffled, I'm sure. Though, of course, it would be mildly worth it to see the look on his face if he were to observe this scene. I'm sure the step closer to the truth about my past would be worth the incredulity.”
“I think your brats would die of overload, though,” APR Kid noted. He was dressed in a casually, with a jacket thrown over his clothes and his face hidden by the brim of a ball cap. “Or think you were up to something, which wouldn't be surprising. You aren't up to something are you?”
“Unless I've started plotting in my sleep, no.”
APR Kid pouted for a moment, then shrugged laconically. “It's still an idea. Maybe we should invest in body doubles?”
APR Conan seemed to consider it a moment, eyes flickering back and forth as if tracking the idea. “It has a high probability of being useful given our current precarious situation. I'll keep it in mind, and advise our colleagues to consider the possibility as well.”
Both SiS Kaito and Shinichi shuddered. "Ugh, that cloying feeling of excessive lawfulness," SiS Kaito whined.
"With a mild hint of willingness to break the law for his goals," SiS Shinichi added.
"Odds?" SiS Kaito asked.
"Low," his brother answered desolately. Both slunk as far from the newcomer as possible.
Mayo Kaito titled his head, looking from APR Conan to his Shinichi and back. "Do you think—" he began.
"Yes, he's probably--" Mayo Shinichi said blandly.
"With the car too?"
"Wouldn't be surprised. Don't you think it's likely?"
"Coffee."
"Definitely."
FoL Kaito tapped the side of his head with his wand idly (ignoring the way his hair changed colors with each tap), then shook his head. "Not even your unique brand of logic can straighten this out, you know?" he asked his partner.
"Shut. Up," FoL Shinichi growled, having given up on trying to pry open LD Kaito's grip. He crossed his arms belligerently, cursing idiot magicians and their immovable body tricks.
A sudden sharp smirk overtook APR Conan's face, and he snapped his candy tin closed with a sharp retort, spun on his heel, and faced APR Kid. “Kid-san,” he sang in a tone that made Kid's almost ever present grin tick an inch wider. “I wonder what this situation would do to you know who?”
APR Kid let out a several low laughs that seemed to trip over each other until they mingled, then settled into a fit of snickers. “I'm sure he'd throw another fit, after all, his little trick wouldn't work in this situation, would it?”
APR Conan turned away again, raising his hands in a slightly theatric shrug that made him seem younger than he was. “It's a shame we can't take them home then. I do enjoy watching him toss a fit.”
“But then you'd sulk, because it'd allow your opponent to win your game, and you wouldn't like that.”
“Yes, well, no one likes to lose a long running game, and this one has been going for ten years with no real victor in sight.”
“I don't think I've ever heard two people say so much, and yet say nothing at all,” Horsemen Conan pointed out blandly. Horsemen Kaito snickered beside him.
"I have a question, which I feel is quite pertinent to this situation," Cases Kaito said, raising a hand like a school boy.
"Big words, don't hurt yourself now," Cases Shinichi ribbed, smirking at him. Cases Kaito flashed him a grin, even as the others' attention came to rest solely on him.
"Regardless of the fact that there are more of us than should probably exist for a safe and sane world," he said, voice carrying around the room. He ignored the eye rollings from the various occupants. "And since we most likely aren't even in a recognizable world anymore (unless one of us lives here? Anyone? No?), why are we here?"
"Does that matter?" LD Shinichi asked after a beat of silence.
"Shocking, a Shinichi who doesn't have the desire to explain everything in his rational world?" FoL Kaito gasped mockingly. LD Shinichi stared down at the vividly, blue haired Kaito from his perch on the wall.
"No. I have an intense dislike for the scientific process," he said monotonously. FoL Shinichi yelped as he was abruptly righted and left to stand on his own feet, LD Kaito wandering off with a blank expression on his face.
"Anyway, it's a valid point," Mayo Kaito said quickly, recognizing vaguely some deep dark emotion behind the exchange. He'd seen that often enough with his own Shinichi to recognize the signs. "Does anyone have a clue as to why we're here, wherever here is?"
“Obviously,” Sed Shinichi pointed out snidely. “This is a dream, and this is what I get for letting Kaito experiment with the cooking again.”
“Hey!” Sed Kaito yelped. “I'm a perfectly good cook, and you've admitted that my experiments pay off sometimes.”
“Yes,” Sed Shinichi agreed plaintively. “Sometimes.”
“Being a Shinigami,” Afterlife Shinichi drawled, “I find nothing surprising about this scenario.”
APR Kid turned, squinted at Afterlife Shinichi, and quipped, “He's the best looking Shinigami I've ever seen.”
“You've only seen one Shinigami,” APR Conan pointed out. “And, though my name is Conan, I must say that I--”
APR Kid's hand clamped over APR Conan's mouth. “Yes, yes, no need to start quoting Shakespeare, Tantei-kun.”
APR Conan plucked his hand away with a faint huff. “What have I told you about a man your age getting all touchy toward someone my age?”
“Something about legalities, and social mores, but I tend to tune you out.”
“I've had this happen in my own home,” Carpe Kaito murmured, his fingers running up and down the back of the rather sleepy looking Shinichi in his lap. “It is likely just some, strange, dimensional anomaly that will straighten itself out given due time. Doubtless, there is nothing to worry about.”
"It would be nice if dimensional anomalies would straighten themselves up for us," LD Kaito quipped, holding his arms up to his Shinichi. LD Shinichi dropped, letting his Kaito catch him and set him gently on the floor, which creaked a bit but held. LD Kaito released his hold on the other's waist, but grasped his hand in a tight grip, taking comfort in the simple touch. LD Shinichi didn't protest, instead he leaned his shoulder against his Kaito.
"Reparo! My bet is on some student's experimental project getting free and wreaking havoc," FoL Kaito said as the broken bits of the floor flew into place, seamlessly repairing themselves.
"My bet is that one of the irresponsible idiots got their hands on those dangerous chemicals the teachers leave laying around, and we're hallucinating," FoL Shinichi countered.
"Does anyone have any tips for taking down a dangerous criminal organization without getting killed?" Mayo Kaito asked brightly. He looked around guilelessly. "What? It's a good opportunity!"
“Use aliases, and don't let them get their hands on a notebook that can kill you!” APR Conan said brightly.
“Aliases are good, as is keeping several steps ahead of them and not letting them catch you,” Horsemen Conan agreed drolly. “Spies, too. Spies are very useful.”
“Double agents,” APR Conan agreed happily.
He and Horsemen Conan met each others eyes, agreement seeming to pass between them, before they both quipped, “Infiltration.”
“Vases,” Sed Shinichi broke in. “A good vase to the face fixes everything.”
“Just kill them,” Afterlife Shinichi said, his face slowly drawing into a wicked grin. “Once they're nothing but puddles of gore on concrete there's no problem, right?”
"No one gets hurt!" SiS Kaito protested from his spot on the other side of the room.
"It may make it harder, but at least you don't turn into them," SiS Shinichi agreed vehemently.
"Not always possible," Mayo Kaito said hollowly.
"I don't know about criminal organizations, but generally kicking things into unrecognizable lumps stops them from trying to kill you," LD Shinichi said blandly.
"I prefer the finesse of magic myself," FoL Kaito said brightly.
"Isn't that best way?" LD Kaito agreed. "But I'm not sure this is helpful to anyone at the moment. What's probably more helpful would be some ideas on…hey, wait, Shinichi, have you seen Kidoll? I swear he was with me…" he trailed off, patting down his clothes carefully. From above there was a familiar squeak, and he craned his neck up to see Kidoll waving happily from Afterlife Shinichi's hand.
“Kicking things into unrecognizable lumps, is definitely a solid plan,” APR Conan said, his gaze landing thoughtfully on LD Shinichi. “You know, you two look like characters from this video game one of my 'minions' likes to fanboy over. Something about a someone named Sephiroth, and 'girly yet badass'.”
“Final Fantasy 7,” the Kid standing half behind him reported. “I expect that's where his attachment to feminine badasses comes from.”
“I'm telling them you said that...”
Afterlife Shinichi stepped lightly off the beam he was perched on and dropped noiselessly to the floor, never once upsetting the tiny doll balancing on the palm of his hand. Curious, Afterlife Kaito stepped forward to peer down at the tiny thing as well. “I kind of want one...” he muttered faintly, and reached out. Kidoll's little arm lifted up and, with a minute poof of smoke, he offered a tiny paper flower. Afterlife Kaito couldn't stop the crooked little grin from sliding into place on his face.
LD Shinichi stared blankly at the pair, before turning to raise an eyebrow at his partner. "They mean that old General from the war?" he asked.
"I have decided this is not a line of inquiry we want to pursue," LD Kaito said definitively. LD Shinichi considered for a moment, then nodded.
"Very good battle plan."
There was a flash of light from the opposite wall, and then a familiar sounding, "Waaark~!" A moment later, a large, yellow, bird-like creature came charging into the room through a glowing portal.
"Baaro?!" LD Shinichi yelped, eyes wide in surprise, then scrambled madly out of the way as the happy bird attempted its normal ritual of grooming his favorite human's hair. Perhaps unwisely, LD Shinichi attempted to dash across the open floor for safety. As soon as his heavy tread hit the weak floor boards, the floor gave way again with an almighty crash and abundance of swearing.
"Original name, Kudo," a new voice snickered. Heads craned to see a Heiji standing near another glowing portal, smirking from under his baseball cap. Baaro, unconcerned at the swearing coming from below and now missing his primary target, pranced over to the next nearest Shinichi and began gnawing at Sed Shinichi's hair.
“C!” a voice bellowed, just seconds before a blond and black blur collided with APR Conan's chest. A pair of hands grabbed his shirt and gave him a rough shake. “Damn it! What have we told you about vanishing on us? I told you I'd kill you myself the next time you pulled a stunt like this and–“
“M,” a quiet voice interrupted as the smaller, white haired boy coiled an arm loosely around one of APR Conan's. “I do believe he wasn't given a choice.”
A snarl spread across 'M's' face, and he turned to glare, wild eyed, at APR Kid. “You kidnapped him, didn't you?” Before the wild boy had a chance to advance on the suddenly wary thief, he was interrupted by a whimper, and the sound of a heavy plastic device colliding with the floor. He glanced back over his shoulder to see the third member of their little entourage staring with wide, dewy eyes at the bird preening Sed Shinichi's hair.
“It's a chocobo...” And, before anything else could be said, the other boy was across the room and clinging to the bird, arms around its neck, and face buried in the yellow feathers. It was a disgusting display of fanboyishness, really.
“Matt!” 'M' barked. “Damn it, you,” he turned and pointed at the boy clinging to APR Conan's arm, idly twirling a lock of hair around one finger. “You make sure he doesn't get away again, and I'm going to go pry the geek off the stupid chicken.” Without another word, he stomped across the precariously groaning, half destroyed floor.
FoL Kaito peered down the hole in the floor, careful not to either fall through or break more of the floor and fall down anyway. "You okay down there?" Unrecognizable words he assumed weren't anything pleasant was his answer. "You want to come up so I can fix the floor again?" he tried.
"…Is that bird brain still up there?" LD Shinichi's voice drifted up petulantly. FoL Kaito glanced over to where the giant bird was strutting after fleeing Shinichis, the red-headed kid still hanging off his neck while the blond cursed up a more recognizable storm while he tried to pry the goggled one off.
"…Yes?"
"Then I'm staying here."
"This…has got to be the most twist'd nightmare I've ever had ta live through," came a childish voice from another part of the room. Twin Kid grins split upon the SiS brothers' faces at the new-comer.
"Tantei-han!" they chorused, bounding over to scoop up the child-sized Heiji. Said child did /not/ look happy at being assaulted so.
"Let me go, ya freaks!" he howled, kicking and biting at any piece of the brothers he could reach. They, as to be expected, easily kept themselves from harm.
By this time, Baaro had reached them, and SiS Shinichi blinked in surprise as his hat was expertly removed by a large golden beak, then his hair used for fodder.
"…How do you think he knows who's who?" SiS Kaito asked, batting at the bird with his free hand.
"Good vibrations?" his brother responded.
"I do not want ta know what that means!" the child Heiji howled.
“I believe it is time for us to take our leave,” Afterlife Shinichi breathed, sending a scalding glare toward the increasing chaos. Kidoll jumped away, gliding on his tiny glider and down into the hole in the floor where LD Shinichi was located. Afterlife Shinichi snagged his own Kaito, pulled him close, and jumped after. They, however, vanished mid-fall in a swirl of shadows and light.
Matt, scrabbled around and yanked himself up onto the chocobo's back with a gleeful sound, absolutely ignoring the way Mello had grabbed hold of his leg and was trying to yank him back off. “This is awesome! Can I keep him? Pleasepleasepleaseplease. Or...” His eyes swiveled to the obvious owner, LD Kaito, and he stared at him with puppy eyes, “Take me wi--” Mello yanked harder, and he was dragged off his perch. The two of them fell to the floor in a tangle of limbs, and a great deal of yowling as elbows were smacked against hardwood.
“Ha ha... This is almost better than the Kira Task Force Serial...” APR Conan muttered to himself.
“Oi, Kudou? Kuroba?” Horsemen Heiji peeked through the madness, as he leaned through a glowing door shaped hole in the wall. “What the hell is goin' on?”
Horsemen Kaito thumped down a few feet away from him, and set their corresponding Conan on the floor. “Don't ask questions,” Horsemen Conan snapped, as he hurried toward Heiji. “Just move it Hattori.” The three vanished seconds later.
"Don't suppose we can split too, can we?" the first Heiji asked, glancing around the room.
"Any idea who you belong to?" FoL Shinichi asked, wondering idly who he was in the first place.
"I don't belong ta anyone!" he snapped, but without much heat. "And I was suppos'd ta meet two of you at the station."
"That'd be us, I think," Cases Kaito said, snagging his Shinichi's hand as he dodged out of the way of the chocobo again. Cases Shinichi ducked the beak, then dragged his Kaito toward their Heiji.
"Then let's get out of here. Now please," he said. Cases Kaito snagged Heiji's arm as they passed, and all three vanished into the portal of light.
"Kaito! What stupid thing did you do now!" a female voice demanded. Mayo Kaito gave a wounded look to the girl standing with her hands on her hips.
"Why does everyone always assume it's my fault?" he whined.
"Because it, inevitably, is," Mayo Shinichi droned flatly. Then he turned his attention to Aoko and nodded faintly, "Nakamori-chan."
"Hello Kudou-kun," she said pleasantly. "And Kudou-san, Kudou-san, Kuroba-san, Kid-san, Kid-san, Chicken-san, Kuroba-san…um…and everyone else too," she said, losing track of who she'd manage to greet already. She turned back to Mayo Kaito. "And if it's not your fault, it should be!" she accused.
"Unfair…" he moaned, before sweeping up to her. "But at least we've got a fair maiden come to rescue us from this greater
purgatory, right Shinichi?" he asked, producing a flower to the now-red-faced Aoko.
"Idiot, just go," Mayo Shinichi grumbled, hand reaching out to clasp the nape of Kaito's neck and shove him toward the portal Aoko had come from.
"Aye sir!" Mayo Kaito saluted, guiding Aoko through the portal. He paused just before stepping through, grinning at his Shinichi. "Coming?" he asked, holding out a hand.
Something infinitesimal softened in Mayo Shinichi's expression, though his voice was its usual monotone. "Of course I'm coming." He stepped after him without a further word, fingertips coming to rest lightly on Kaito's outstretched palm.
Kaito's grin softened as well, and the pair vanished through the portal without another word.
Sed Shinichi backed away as the weird bird thing stomped passed, just barely missing the pile of teenagers still trying to get up off the floor. Or, rather, one of them was trying to get up, and the blond one appeared to be trying to restrain him, but that was beside the point.
“Oh, for the love of god,” a familiar voice muttered somewhere behind him. Sed Shinichi glanced back to see a Hakuba lingering nearby. “I'm experiencing a strange sensation of deja vu. You, there, with the duct tape bracelets. Come on.”
Sed Kaito beamed, looked admiringly at his 'jewelry' and sidled over to join Sed Hakuba, grabbing his Princess as he went. “Let's get ice cream!”
They disappeared amidst Shinichi's vociferous tirade on why Kaito was such an idiot.
"Did I just do that?" another voice queried weakly. "Kuroba, I swear if this is another of your practical jokes…" the newly arrived Hakuba said, covering his eyes in a well-practiced gesture.
"Ooo, I know that look!" FoL Kaito said brightly. He held his hands up in a placating gesture as he found himself at wand-point from the annoyed Hakuba. "Now now, no need to do anything rash!"
"Hakuba-kun, I would appreciate if you would 'get us out of here', in hopes that this is an insane dream or possible chemically induced hallucination. The psyche often produces familiar coping devices such as—" FoL Shinichi began, but was cut off as his Kaito shoved him toward the blond.
"Yes yes, you can grace us with your logical explanation for all thing magical, weird, and me later," he said, turning his shove into a hug as he pushed them through the portal. Hakuba looked at his wand for a moment.
"I really need to practice my obliviate…" he mumbled, before turning on his heel and following the departed pair.
"Aww…I suppose that means we need to go too," SiS Shinichi pouted, wrestling the sullen child Heiji from his brother's grasp to hug him like a teddy bear. "At least I got a kiss out of it!"
"Which is unfair, you know!" his brother protested petulantly. "Who's going to give me a kiss goodbye?"
There was a rush of sound, like fabric, before Carpe Kaito landed lightly before the two brothers. He grinned, then, showing the vivid fangs of his nature, and reached out. He clasped SiS Kaito's tie in his hands before tugging him foward. His lips pressed over SiS Kaito's, a shockingly cold tongue invading his lookalikes mouth without remorse, while one of the vampire's hands skated down to clutch SiS Kaito's hip. Carpe Kaito was not one to do things by halves, and by the time he was done, he'd made sure SiS Kaito was truly breathless. The vampire laved his tongue over a fang, and stepped back.
SiS Kaito then found himself twisted around, and dipped like some sort of lady at a fancy dance, a second kiss, slow and meant to charm, placed upon his lips by APR Kid who, by the time he righted his doppelganger, was grinning.
“Not only do you hit on barely legal teenagers, but you molest yourself,” APR Conan drawled sardonically. “Why am I not surprised?”
“I do not wish to hear this conversation,” Near piped up from where he'd come to kneel beside APR Conan. He was idly turning a tiny plastic submarine between his fingers.
Carpe Kaito gave a wolfish laugh, stepped back, and snaked an arm around Carpe Shinichi. Without another word, or glance, the pair fell backwards into the hole in the middle of the floor and vanished.
SiS Kaito stood frozen, eyes glazed and mouth quirked up in a funny smile. SiS Shinichi wasn't much better, gaping and red-faced as he stared blankly at his brother. The child-sized Heiji managed to wriggle himself out of the lax grip, looking fairly traumatized.
"If I never, ever even hear 'bout another Kid heist in my life, I'll be a happy happy man," he muttered, taking great pleasure in kicking SiS Shinichi's shins.
When that produced no reaction, he sighed and began shoving at the teen, grumbling under his breath about stupid, black clad maniacs and their damn pills too. With a little work, he managed to get both dazed Kids through the portal. He paused, glancing at the base-ball capped APR Kid.
"Next time, keep it in your pants, pervert," he snapped, then hopped through the portal himself without a backward glance.
"/I'm/ not a pervert, at least," LD Kaito protested, feeling the need to defend himself. Kidoll had made his way out of the hole, and now perched himself on his shoulder, shaking his head vigorously. Then paused, thinking about it, and began nodding instead. "Oi oi…" LD Kaito muttered at his friend.
Baaro had by now wandered up to APR Conan, and was regarding the bespectacled teen curiously, seemingly not sure whether he should proceed with his normal greeting or not. Shaking himself, Baaro seemed to decide against it for whatever reason, and trotted over to where he knew /his/ favorite human had gone. He was careful not to step on the small ones still sprawled across the floor, even though he would have liked to have given the brave one the ride of his life. Still, he had more important things to worry about now.
"Hey…Baaro, wait the floor--!" LD Kaito yelped as Baaro's path became apparent. It was too late, though, and the abused floor gave another almighty groan as it broke under the large bird's weight. There was a yelp and a wheezing sound from below, and a happy 'wark' from the fallen bird. Kidoll giggled on his shoulder, hands over his mouth in mirth.
“Iwannachocobo,” Matt whimpered again. Mello sat up, one hand braced between his friend's shoulders, and gave a glare that would have probably made babies burst into tears.
“Come on, let's go back to HQ and we'll download you a rip of Chocobo's Dungeon 2 or something, you nerd.” The blond stood, dragged Matt up, and hauled him back toward the rest of his set. There was an exasperated look on his face that made him look like a nutcase ready to blow the place up. For Mello, those two were about the same anyway.
“I'm sure we should be getting back regardless. We've left your defenseless idol with his favorite suspect, after all,” APR Conan noted glibly. Mello's teeth made an interesting grinding noise.
“It's unlikely that anything has happened to him. He's strong enough to handle himself if there's any trouble,” Near pointed out logically. His attention, however was fixated on the submarine he was moving through the air over his head.
Mello cast him a scalding glare, but was thus ignored, and turned his attention back to Conan. “We should probably go before Matt starts trying to run away with the circus again.”
Conan gave a faint sigh of agreement, and crouched down to scoop up the dropped gaming device that had, all this time, been taking up residence by his shoes. “Where did you three enter from?”
Near turned his submarine about to point in the general direction. “Over there. It's a door of light.”
“We're never telling anyone this happened,” Mello added. “This is one fucked up dream, and when I wake up I am going to eat myself into a chocolate coma.” He hustled his still whining cohort toward the door in question, while Near lifted himself delicately from the floor and followed after. Conan, grinning lazily after the three, followed.
Kid gave a grand sigh, waved to the Life's Dream pair, then shoved his hands in his pockets and followed the crazy brigade. Not, of course, that he was more of sound mind than they. He grinned. That was why he liked them.
LD Kaito let his eyes trail around the empty room as the trio left, Kidoll humming tunelessly and quietly on his shoulder. The little doll was becoming more and more vocal. Probably all that materia energy it kept chowing down on, he mused with a lick of annoyance. It took a long time to get a materia into working order, after all!
He moseyed over to the precarious edge of the cracked floor boards, peering into the gloom. He could just make out a head of black hair from under Baaro's golden form.
"I feel kinda bad for that kid, you know? He seemed really excited to see Baaro," he mused.
"Can...keep..." was the wheezed reply. Kaito chuckled, hopping into the hole himself and being careful not to land on the content bird and its squashed captive. No need to have Shinichi more mad at him than usual, after all. Kidoll had once again glided into the hole on his tiny glider, obviously enjoying himself.
"Up, Baaro," Kaito commanded, ignoring the bird's disappointed warble. As soon as he was free, Shinichi was on his feet and across the room, through the glowing portal there. Baaro chirped happily and gave chase. "Huh, thought that thing was upstairs," Kaito hummed. "Well, ready to go home?" he asked the doll at his feet.
In response, Kidoll scaled Kaito's coat, clambering onto his shoulder to strike a heroic pose, one hand pointing toward the portal.
"And away we go!" Kaito crowed, diving into the light.
CP Masterlist
Chatty Plunnies: 98 - Fruit Salad